Hour 18 - My Mom Said You Can't Torture Me!

"Curtis, this is Bill Buchanan on the floor, I need you to stop torturing our suspect immediately."

"But why sir - I have just electrocuted his balls and we are real close to getting the location of Habib Marwan."

"Well Curtis, it seems our suspect has a note from his mom saying he is not to be tortured and the President is honoring that request."

"Cant we go around a mother's note?"

"Well, it seems the Justice Department doesn't think so. According to their read of the law, notes from home can be used to stave off torture so long as the signature can be authenticated."

"But sir!"

"You heard me Curtis. I don't like it either but you and your boy Richards better stop torturing that prisoner or Ruppert is going to have you re-assigned to House M.D."

I have watched each of the 92 episodes of 24 and last night took the cake. The writers of 24 have bent the rules in the past, but last night, they broke through to new lows. Sure, we have seen stretches in years past. In fact, we have seen stretches that would make the rubberband man proud. But we have never seen the depths that we explored last night and it began with a new storyline involving Amnesty International and its efforts to protect the rights of a political prisoner. Where do I start with this one? Okay, let's start with the show's attempt to convince us that at the behest of Marwan, the terrorists were able to rouse an attorney from a non-profit group during the middle of the night and get him to intercede on their behalf. Within just minutes, Perry Mason was able to secure a court order that prevented CTU from interrogating a prisoner who may have been linked to the kidnapping of the Defense Secretary, a conspiracy to murder millions and the assassination of the President of the United States. What judge is going to authorize that? And better yet, what law enforcement officer or political official is going to honor that order within moments of hearing that the aforementioned prisoner could provide information on a missing nuclear weapon. What a bunch of crap. And I love the new President's moral struggle over his decision to honor the constitution and the integrity of the judicial branch. I realize the writers need to make this new guy out to be a jellyfish so "you-know-who" can be re-introduced, but this took it too far. What is next - the new President picks up the light to the Hall of Justice and asks Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Wonder Twins for protection? Let us hope that last night's lows will hold because any further breaches could lead to a full-scale blowup that will deter me from watching any further.

Before I move on, that was some dig Ruppert Murdoch and Fox took last night at liberal human rights groups and lawyers who happen to be Jewish. Amnesty has to be furious this morning by the implication that it would seek to get in the way of an investigation whose aim was to prevent a nuclear disaster. I do not give any money to Amnesty, but I am sure they have done some noble things around the globe and I sure want them around when I am inadvertently arrested in places like Turkey. But to hear the reactionaries over at Fox tell it, Amnesty is some radical group whose only goal is to frustrate legitimate investigatory and criminal procedure, including instances where millions of lives are at stake. Moreover, this cat thinks it was no coincidence that the attorney for Amnesty was named David Weiss. Such a move comports with Fox's views that everything wrong with this country stems from Jewish lawyers who operate under the protection of radical leftist political organizations. The bet here is in Season five, Jack will be asked to prevent the Jews from taking out the new German pope.

Okay, so last night had some problems, but there is hope and that hope lies with my boy - EDGAR STILLES! Boy is Edgar "steaming" right now and he is poised to breakout to new highs. He already made my Hall of Fame by virtue of his stellar move to stave off multiple nuclear meltdowns, but he could make it into my inner circle with another excellent move. I know it sounds crazy, but Edgar has a shot to be mentioned as an all-time great if he does what I think he is planning. And what might that be? Well, at the very least, Edgar goes out into that parking lot and lets Don Prado have it while Prado is still handcuffed to that steering wheel. That would be a solid move but what if he is contemplating something even more spectacular. This may be a stretch, but here is one bet - Edgar kills Marwan in a couple hours when Habib is taken into custody. That would be HUGE!!!!!!!!!!! If Edgar pulls that off, he joins Nina as co-MVP of season's I-IV. It goes without saying that if you are holding stock in Stiles, you are going to get paid.

How many people does Marwan have working for him? Does anyone think it was surprising that the terrorists were able to organize an attack on a nuclear convoy in Iowa just minutes after finding out about its location? Did Marwan just have a team standing by in Moline or Davenport or did he also steal the human transporter off the Star Trek Enterprise? This guy has people everywhere. And what about that comment that Satellites couldn't track the nuclear weapon because it was in "mountainous territory." What mountain range is on the Iowa-Illinois border?

How in the world was the Defense Department trucking around nuclear weapons on a day when all hell was breaking loose? Don't you think some of these plans would have been put on the back burner when the country came under attack? I love the comment that some of the convoys were re-routed after a train was derailed earlier in the day. Okay, so a train wreck led to some new plans but an attack on the Defense Secretary and the country's nuclear reactors were not considered important? Oh boy.

Aside from Edgar's great outbursts, the highlight of last night came during the previews when it was announced that former president Palmer would give up his gig doing Allstate commercials to come back into public service. With David back in the fold and Jack out there operating as a private citizen, CTU just got a whole lot stronger. Getting Palmer back at the ¾ mark is a bit like trading for David Ortiz at the trading deadline. Like Ortiz, Palmer is a big black man who is clutch and brings a lot of power to the game. In fact, from here on out, I am going to start calling him Big Papi.

Hour 17- Fumbleeeeeeeeeee!

Okay our next caller is from Don from New York. Don, you’re on the FAN, what do you got?

Don: Hey Chris, first time long time. I just wanted to call and ask: How the fuck did they fumble the football? Jesus Christ, the game was over. What is this – the 1987 Browns in the AFC Championship game? These feds just cannot put this game away and it is driving me crazy.

Chris: Hey Don, you a CTU fan?

Don: Yeah, diehard, but my faith is a bit shaken right now. It feels like they are about to break. They are stretched thin and it just seems like this guy Marwan is always a step ahead of the game. How do we go after a loose ball with one helicopter? Cmon guys – that is very passive.

Chris: Cmon Don, you can’t kill these guys after all they have done to save America both today and in seasons past.

Don: I beg to differ! Last season doesn’t matter. The freaking U.S. Nuclear arsenal is now in play. You can’t take chances with that. You got to go after that with every marine stationed down at Pendleton. We need to step it up a little. Full alert means every man woman a child ready to go. I’m out!

The future of this country is now at risk because the football is on the ground. How can that happen? But that is not the only question I have. A bigger question for me is how could the terrorists be so familiar with the football and its contents. Didn’t anyone think it was curious that the Arabs had great existing knowledge of what should be in the briefcase? Where did they learn that stuff – Nuclear Launch Protocol 101? Those guys knew everything. They knew about the playbook and all its contents. I’m sorry, that kind of stuff is not in the public domain. I also thought it was amusing that Jason Gerard knew exactly what he was looking at when he stumbled upon the football. How the hell did he know what that was? For all he knew, it was a briefcase containing the president’s most treasured porn.

Okay, this overall storyline is getting a bit tortured and it all starts with the Arabs original plan. How multi-tiered can a plan get? In case you forgot, this day started out with the kidnapping of the Secretary of Defense and the hijacking of the country’s nuclear power plants. Isn’t that ambitious enough? Why would you have a backup plan for such an attack? Hell, if that plan doesn’t succeed, you just gotta hand it to your opponent and move on. But not Marwan. His backup plan called for a guy to hijack a military plane and shoot down Air Force One. Once that was accomplished, he could then pull the football out of the wreckage and use its codes to launch a nuclear strike of some kind. That is some backup plan. In fact, it is almost as grandiose as the original plan itself. What’s next if this plan fails – a plan to hijack a big asteroid and crash it into CTU? It is either that or Marwan turns into Aquaman and uses his telepathic power to start an interspecies war in the Pacific.

Here are a couple random thoughts from this week:

Kelly Gerard was not too shabby in the looks department even though there was a bit of resemblance to former CTU director Erin Driscoll. At this point, with the stable virtually bare, Kelly has a shot to make my season ending top-5 best looking women list. She trails that woman who slept with the deceased Air Force pilot, but that is about it.

The move of the night goes to Jack and his concoction of that noisemaking decoy. In case you forgot, in the middle of a gunfight, Jack went MacGyver on us and put together a contraption that simulated the firing of shots. With the bad guys thinking he was still in place, Jack was able to change positions and get off a nice clean kill shot. I think Jack is now closing in on 100 kills today – a new 24 record.

How come there were no guards or workers at that power plant? That seemed like a fairly sophisticated plant or switching center, yet there was no one around whatsoever. Don’t you think after a day when the U.S. power industry came under attack, there would at least be some guys hanging out?

Edgar Stiles had only two lines this week and that really irks me. We haven’t seen this much talent go to waste since Len Bias snorted all that blow up his nose after the 1986 NBA draft. Edgar needs to step it up as we enter crunch time. Unfortunately, it looks like from here on out, the field guys will get most of the action. Sorry analysts – you had your shot.

Like wise – Tony is really not getting the opportunities he deserves. However, he did contribute an important analytical conclusion late in the show when he questioned whether Marwan would have exchanged the football for this life. Jack was a bit slow to catch that one, yet Tony was sharp as always. Nice one TA!

While Edgar only had two lines this week, that was two more then Curtis. I think someone over at Fox alerted the producers to the fact that Rupert Murdoch hates black people and didn’t want to see any more of them on his top-rated drama. Jesus, that guy is in “24” purgatory. He might as well be back in the clinic with Paul learning how to walk.

So what is going on with this new President? That is obviously being set up as a reversal of some kind. Is he going to be just a wet noodle in an empty suit or does he have some kind of link to Marwan. It seems like we will see some sort of government complicity in all of this.